


Hold Me In Your Cold Arms

by Edgy_Trashbag



Category: Phandom
Genre: Ghosts, M/M, Phan Fluff, Phanfiction, Phil is a ghost, Suicidal Dan, depressed dan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-20 00:41:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9467723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Edgy_Trashbag/pseuds/Edgy_Trashbag
Summary: A suicidal Dan moves into an old so called 'haunted' house. But the ghost is cute, and amazing.





	1. A New Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Yes I'm back with another phanfiction. Also if you are unaware I suck at summaries. Whoops.

Dan was no stranger to moving however, this was the first time he would be living completely alone. He was only nineteen but he had been able to buy a big house. Only thing was this house was in the middle of nowhere, and haunted. Even though Dan didn't believe in the paranormal it was still his biggest fear.   
The house was in the country side of England and it was quite big. It was very old but in great condition. There were three stories not including the basement. There was no way Dan was going to be going down there. There were a lot of huge spacious rooms, many of which are either pastel pinks, purples and blues or greens, or dark purples and blacks. Dans most favorite room was the library. It was massive.   
Dan was a writer and when he wasn't writing he was reading. Books were his passion. He read all types of genres and all different lengths of books. Without books Dan would be a totally different person. 

The first few days were pretty normal. The only weird things that happened weren't too weird, I heard footsteps and some lights would be on after I had turned them off. It was just the old house.   
The house was only 200 years old nothing crazy. Plus the house had been renovated many many times since it was built. Even if the house has been empty since 1859. That, I did find a teensy bit weird.   
It's only been a week since I moved into this house and I already love every little inch of it. I especially love the library; it's huge and full of old books. There's even an empty bookshelf where I can put new books in, but first I want to read all of the books that are already in here.   
Sometimes at night I feel lonely, and during the day. I have never really had any friends, at all. Nobody has ever really acknowledged my existent but I don't really care. I mean yeah I may be pretty depressed but I'm okay.   
I hide my crippling thoughts in jokes and I cry at night, however when I live alone there's nobody to hide my feelings from. I enjoy being alone. 

It's been two weeks since I moved into this house and I have found a journal hidden in a desk on the third floor in the second biggest bedroom of the house. The dates range from December 13, 1858 to October 19, 1859. That's weird, today is October 19. All of a sudden I hear a large crash behind me.


	2. Books, Books, and Gay Books?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan learns more about the mysterious ghost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter is all over the place I'm tired and I chose to write this instead of doing my book report that's due in 8 and a half hours.

I didn't want to turn around, but I did anyways. This room was a light pastel blue that made me feel happy, however at this moment, I was more scared. The window that had previously been open had been slammed shut. Probably just the wind.   
I opened the journal and started reading. Okay the first page. This is going to be interesting. I read for hours and hours until I got to the last few pages, after reading these pages I learned how a twenty-two year old man had died back in 1859. He got really really sick. He had the flu but a really bad case I'm guessing. It makes me sad that he died so young. He seemed so positive, so uplifting, so mystical. Okay I think I have a crush on a man who died like 150 years ago. Wow, that's impressive.  
I searched the house for more about this "Philip Lester." The only thing I found was a painting of what was labeled as, "Philip." The painting had Raven black hair and blueish green eyes that you could swim in. He was really cute, to say the least.   
I decided I would go into the nearby town and see if anybody knew about who this "Phil Lester," was. I mean I lived in the biggest house anywhere near this town, it might be important. 

I asked almost everybody in town and most people had no clue, except there was one. It was a girl with blonde hair with pink tips. She was very nice and she knew everything about Phil! He was a young writer who died of the flu living with his rich mother. Well that's not too surprising but it's still something. Wait! If he writes maybe some of his books are in the house.... 

I searched and searched and search the house for his books. NOTHING! Where the fuck could his books be? I need to find his books. I started crying out of frustration.   
I went up to the bedroom where I found the journal and I automatically felt like I was being watched. Not in a threatening way but a comforting way. Weird. I lie down on the bed and I let out all of my tears.   
"Where can the books be?" I mumble. All of a sudden a crash comes from the closet and an old box falls onto the floor and breaks open. Books! At least ten books! "Thank you, Philip," I whisper.   
Okay well that's strange. I mean, I'm talking to a ghost now. At least I have the books. They are all written by Philip Lester and some of them are really long and some are somewhat short. He wrote mostly romances, except they weren't the normal: boy and girl meet then they fall in love! This man wrote about homosexual relationships. Damn, Philip knows where it's at. Okay so now I'm talking to a gay ghost I have a crush on.  
From all of this we can assume that there is a ghost and that the ghosts is gay, and I have a crush on a ghost. But what now? I mean he's been dead for 150 years what do I do? I'm pursuing a ghost. Wow. I'm so smart. Never did I think I would be worrying about thinking a ghost is cute. 

 

A couple weeks passed and I read all of his books. They were all pretty gay so there is no doubt that Philip was gay. Now, how do I bring a ghost back to life? You see, this isn't very easy, but it's possible, you just need a little love.  
I went to bed every single night in the bedroom I found the journal and books in. I'm assuming it was Philips bedroom. I lie in bed and I would always feel cold arms wrapped around me, I was never scared though. Sometimes I would whisper things like, "Would you please hold me in your cold arms?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I get too visit kittens on Saturday I'm excited.


	3. Life Is Given Once More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No summary as it could be a spoiler.

It's been three months since I've moved here. I've started feeling less lonely because I have Philip but I don't have him physically except for at night. I want him all of the time. It's funny how sometimes I crave the sweet release of death and sometimes I crave the sweet grasp of the dead. I've wanted to die a little less but that doesn't mean I don't want to die. None of my stories are even close to being finished let alone published. 

Sometimes being an author sucks. I mean at least I can actually write about what I want, whereas Philip had a chance of being caught and killed. Gay people haven't always been socially acceptable, Hell, they rarely are now.  
Sometimes I hear a soft yet husky voice whisper to me. He tells me I just need to keep going, don't give up and that I am useful. He makes me believe I can do things. I think that's Philip. I really want to meet you Philip. 

One night I got tired of waiting to be with Philip. When I felt his cold yet comforting arms around me I held the cold in a hug and kissed where I thought the mouth would be. Kind of hard on a ghost but I did it.   
I opened my eyes and I saw him. I saw Philip Lester in person. I couldn't believe it. I poked his face just to be sure.   
"YOU'RE ALIVE!" I yell at the top of my lungs. "HOW CAN THIS BE?"   
"What? You look like you've just seen a ghost." Philip whispers jokingly. "Also it's a long story."   
Phil had explained how it had been a curse that he had died. Of course he'd died of the sickness but a witch cursed him with the sickness. It was to cure his gay, it didn't work out. The only thing that could save him was a kiss from somebody he had grown to love.   
Maybe it is easy to bring a ghost back from the dead. Never did I think I would say that. I'm glad I can though.   
"Also, you can call me Phil. Philip is a little out dated," Phil whispers gently.   
I couldn't believe anything that was happening yet it was so real. I wished so badly for it to be real. I needed to be with him. I didn't think this was possible. Well I guess it was. I went from not believing in ghosts to bringing one back to life.   
"Okay, Phil," I smiled. "I'm Dan. If you couldn't already tell." He smiled at me.   
"Okay, Danny," Phil smirked. I would get mad but he was too cute to get mad at. Plus I wouldn't want to make somebody who's been dead for 150 years mad. Yet. 

I've taken Phil to town and I showed him to the girl who had told me about him. Louise, I believe her name was. When Phil saw her, his jaw dropped. I mean was it the pink tips? Why did he care so much?   
"Lauren!" Phil yelled. That's not even her name. "Where did you go when I died?" Phil sounded betrayed.   
They had a long conversation about things and they did inform me that they were half siblings. Well at least I didn't have any competition.   
Louise, or apparently Lauren was also like Phil. She had gotten sick too but she had fallen in love with a house renovator in 1976 and they have stayed young because that's how things worked. 

 

Louise is how Lauren goes by now. Didn't want to be recognized I guess. She visits once a week now. Louise and her husband are quite sweet and they have a daughter. Darcy. She was born pretty recently actually. In the past 5 years. They were going to let themselves age now.   
Phil and I have grown closer and closer to the point where we only leave each other's side when necessary. I never wanted him to be dead again. Okay this past year has been filled with craziness. 

I was coming down with a cold and I feel like shit. I told Phil to stay away from me as he doesn't have great experiences with being sick, yet he still stayed by my side. He went to the store with Louise who helped me catch him up on the last 150 years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck. Comment what you think. Tomorrow I get to see kittens so if this chapter sucked I'm sorry.


	4. New Jobs, Even Newer Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is just talking about what everybody wants to do with their life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry is the grammar and chapter isn't very good I had the ideas and I just put it together quickly.

Phil is the best thing to happen to me. Ever. He is the sweetest man too, and he's the best uncle to Darcy, who we all love with all our hearts. Darcy is very nice and helpful when she comes to visit. Darcy is quite young, however she still likes to help with a lot of things such as: setting the dining table, fixing up our garden with her mother who claims we need to do that more often, and tidying up the rooms she stays in.  
Louise and her husband are considering moving into this gigantic house with us, as Phil and I offered. I hope they do come live with us, however they always tell us about things happening in town, maybe that means we need to go into town more often! They are a huge help around the house though.  
I edited and revised some of the books Phil had written over 150 years ago and made it seem like something that would be written today about those times. Phil managed to get one of them published, that had called for red velvet cake which he thought was amazing.  
I decided until I can think about any new chapters I would just edit my boyfriends books. I also decided I should get a job so I went to town and looked for jobs with Phil. He didn't want to leave me alone. I saw a couple jobs I was qualified for and would like, like being an editor for book companies or being a news reporter or even article writing. There were so many jobs however I decided that I would be an editor because I only had to go down to town twice a week and then I can get groceries too.  
Louise decided if I got a job she would look for one too. She's now working in a coffee shop as a manager but she wants to go back to college to start working as a teacher or principle of an elementary school. Louise loves working with kids and she is totally the mom friend.  
Louise's husband, Matthew already renovates houses and buildings but he wants to switch careers as he's a little bored with his job. He wants to also be a detective. We don't know why.  
Darcy is only supposed to be in preschool now and she's been homeschooled for preschool but Louise wants to send her to school for kindergarten. Darcy loves other people so it will be good for her. There are no kids her age here. 

 

Phil and I have been dating for two years now. We've had ups and downs and everything in between. I want to marry him one day. I just don't know how to ask a man to marry me. I mean we've talked about what married life for us would be like but neither of us have proposed. I decided I would buy a ring on one of the days I go to town for work. I was shaking. I didn't know how I was going to propose but I would find a way.  
I hid the ring in a drawer in a room nobody ever uses on the third floor. I had everything except for a plan. What could I do to impress Phil? Would anything be enough for my love for him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw the kittens yesterday and oh my god they were all so cute. My mom decided we might be getting two even though we already have two cats two dogs and I have a hamster!


	5. How To Do It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan plans a proposal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a crappy piece of a short phanfiction

Phil was my soulmate and best friend. I had to propose to him in a special way. We could let ourselves live for over a hundred years, it should be something to remember. 

Phil hadn't suspected a thing. If he did he didn't say so at least. I needed to do this. I just don't know how to. Why don't I know? I wish I knew. Phil deserves something amazing. Something spectacular. It's only fair. He's so amazing.  
He deserves amazing. 

 

I decided that I was going to propose whilst on holiday and I booked a vacation. We have been saving uo money for a while now, so money was not an issue. I decided that we would go to Japan. We both have wanted to go there for a while,especially after I got Phil into anime. Louise, her husband, and Darcy were all going too. I told Louise how I was going to propose and now she's helping me prepare. I have never been more nervous for anything, is that bad? I mean, I knew he would say yes, but it's still scary.

I mean he's lived longer than I have and he's seen so much more. I have seen more things from the modern times though. I want the strange ghost from two years ago to marry me. Okay, I sound mental.   
Without Phil, I wouldn't even be me. He's made me a happier and better person. Without Phil, I might be dead, but without me he would be dead. Maybe saving each other was what had to be done. 

Phil and I have saved each other. This changes my perspective on everything. Maybe I'm not as worthless as I thought, maybe I had a purpose. I might have already done what the universe needed me to do. My life actually had a meaning. I mean I thought being with Phil was my only meaning, but in reality I had saved him too. 

We really were the perfect couple, in my mind. Phil gave my life purpose. I couldn't love anybody more than I loved him. It was crazy to think how much I loved him. We make each other better. I literally have never been more in love.  
I often do wonder what my life would be like without him. It would be miserable. It would be like before I met him. Depressing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter is really short. I haven't had a lot of time to write all week but I'm at my friends house now. It's literally been a week since I've updated I'm sorry. I'm seeing the kittens again today too. I'm so excited


	6. Be My Husband?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan finally gathers the courage to propose to his boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I posted a new chapter on Saturday but since it was short here's another chapter! I hope you guys enjoy.

The time had finally come to go on the vacation and propose to my beautiful boyfriend. Honestly I don't know how to do any of this so I'm going to pray I don't fail. We all know I'm going to fail. Holy shit what if he says no? NO. He loves me, he should say yes. I just have to be positive. Can I remain positive? Probably not.

 

I finally boarded the airplane with my amazing boyfriend, plus his half sister, and her husband, and child. It was kind of like a family vacation. Plus my parents and younger brother are going to meet us up there. I haven't seen them in a couple of months so I can finally reconnect with them.  
I have the ring for Phil hidden in one of Louise's bags in case Phil looked through my bags. I was going to take him out to dinner and then somewhere fun where I was going to propose. We were going to Japan, it was so colorful compared to the dark grey England. I don't know how I'm going to do this. Phil noticed I was worrying.  
"Dan, are you okay?"   
"Yeah, yeah it's just the plane."   
He wasn't convinced but I couldn't force him to be convinced. Was I going to hold a gun to his head and convince him I was okay? Maybe not today. I don't think that will get him to say yes to my proposal.  
"Dan, you look really nervous do you need any medicine?" Phil always tried to take care of me. How sweet was he? Quite sweet.  
"No, I'm okay I just think I should take a nap." He grabbed my hand to comfort me and I rest my head on his shoulder. It was moments like these that made me realize he was the man I was going to marry. I just had to ask first. Oh dear, how am I going to do this? 

The very next day was the day I was going to propose to him. I couldn't believe I was actually going through with all of this. I honestly don't know how I'm even alive. Oh my god.   
I got to the hotel and I saw my family waiting in the lobby. They were not very supportive of Phil and I at first but now they've all grown to love Phil and accept him as part of the family. Phil did go a good job impressing them by always helping them out, I'm guessing if I was dating a man not as great as Phil they wouldn't approve too much.   
My parents said hi and rushed to their room. I was going to speak to them tonight about everything. They. We're going to help me get ready to propose. I mean I couldn't really not propose at this point, but I do need a lot of support. Like a lot. A fuck ton. 

I am now in my families hotel room talking to them about proposing. God am I nervous! We are discussing what it would be like for him and I to be married. I wanted to cry because I never thought my parents would be this supportive. They had always hated the idea of having a queer child, sorry parents. At least they are way more supportive now. 

 

And here I am. I'm about to propose. Oh my god why do I have to do this? I'm so scared. So, so scared. I took him out to dinner and he could tell I was near panic attack. I had to excuse myself to go to the bathroom where I had a mini panic attack, at least I didn't start hyperventilating. I was feeling a little better now but not really. Oh my god. I'm actually dying. We are in a cherry blossom garden where I intend to propose. I had to propose somewhere aesthetically pleasing, okay?   
We were standing under a cherry blossom tree where I took his hand and then I was about to do it. I was going to propose. Oh my god, I was actually going to propose. I got down on one knee and pulled out the box.   
"Phil Lester, you have saved me and been there for me ever since I met you. Will you please make me the happiest man on earth and marry me." I talked somewhat quickly but you could still make out what I was trying to say. I felt like there was a brick on my chest keeping me from breathing.   
"Oh my god." Phil whispered. He started crying. Why was he crying? Did he hate me? Was this not good enough. "Oh my god, yes!"   
Phil and I were officially engaged. Oh yeah. I did it. I actually managed to propose to a person who had been dead for over 150 years. Well that's a weird way to look at things.   
I told my family of this news and they couldn't be happier for me. I think deep down they knew how much Phil had saved me. They knew how broken I was before him. I knew how broken I was before him. Goddamn I was broken before I met him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHHH THERE ARE ONLY LIKE ONE OR TWO MORE CHAPTERS LEFT TIL THIS WILL BE DONE!!! Make sure to check out my other two phanfics as I would love you forever if you did. One is a very long one chapter called "Mr. Poet Boy" and then an 11? Chapter PHANFIC but the chapters are pretty short and it has less total words than "Mr. Poet Boy" and both of those are finished so check it out.


	7. A New Perspective Of The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The very last chapter where the perspective changes!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS THE ENDDDDDD!!!! I'm sorry that the story was so short, to be honest I didn't really know where I wanted it to go but as I was at the last two paragraphs I was like "AH HA" even though my plan was to have another two or three chapters! EDIT: ITS APRIL 25, 2017 and I'm just now realizing I never said that this was 7/? Instead of 7/7 so I had to fix it

Today is the day I got engaged to Dan Howell. We were in Japan, a place we both really wanted to visit one day. My family that I still had came along with us. The only blood family I really have is Lauren, who now goes by Louise and her daughter. Her husband and I do get along though. Dans family met us here. He used to not really get along with them but now he does, they used to not accept him, I mean my family didn't even know about me. Nobody was allowed to be a homosexual man back then. I'm glad I died and had to wait 150 years to meet Dan. It was worth the wait.  
He had saved my life, if he hadn't moved here I would still be dead. I mean he claims he would have been dead if he hadn't met me either. He had a choice to die, I'm glad he didn't choose that. Without Dan I would be emptier. A lot emptier. Nobody loves anybody as much as Dan and I love each other. Dan is my everything. He's done so much for me. 

We were in a garden with a lot of cherry blossoms. I mean it was a beautiful sight but not as beautiful as Dan. Dan is the prettiest person I've ever seen. I've seen a good amount of people. Dan is also the nicest, this could be biased as he did literally bring me back from the dead, however I still think he's super fucking nice. 

I never really swear but when I'm talking about Dan I just get so hyper? Maybe it's because I love him. I love him more than anything. I want to spend the rest of eternity with him. I want to spend more than eternity with him. I don't want to lose him, I already lost myself. I have barely any family left. At least the family I do have is great. 

I was kinda lost in my thoughts and then the next thing I know Dan was proposing. I was shocked, in a good way of course. I didn't think it was going to happen now though. It was a perfect moment. On to my answer, of course I said yes! Did you expect me to say no? 

The ring was beautiful. It just wasn't as beautiful as the man I was going to marry, of course nothing is. Daniel James Howell is the prettiest man on earth. It makes all of my years of being dead worth it. They were a lot of years! 150 years is a long time to be fair. I don't complain for no reason, okay sometimes but not a lot. 

Dan is always making me smile, like all the time. He loves to make jokes that will make me laugh. He just does things to make me happy, I appreciate it a lot. That's why Dan Howell is the man I'm going to marry soon. Now all we have to do is plan for the wedding but, that's a bridge to cross after a long night of sleep. I wrap my arms tightly around my loving fiancé. I'm holding him in my cold arms as he whispers, "This is the most fun I've ever had."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please please comment what you think! Its finally over! Ahhhhh! You should also check out my other two PHANFICTIONS "Maybe One Day" and "Mr. Poet Boy" as they are both finished however mr poet boy is kinda shit but whatever.

**Author's Note:**

> Comment your opinions on this. Whoop whoop


End file.
